The holy fuck wits Institute..
Picture the scene, its Northbridge Western Australia, Saturday night. My black and white mind divides the crowd into 2 categories, the cashed up bogans and the hipsters. Enter us, a group of mums who's freedom is limited to the big decisions like Corn Flakes or Toast..
After a lovely dinner we walk over to the Mechanics Institute, one of Perth 'hotspots' admittedly I have heard it being describes as "a bar with a real Melbourne feel" that makes it cool right?
I like the lay out of the bar, it has a casual almost grungy feel to it immersed in recycled brick being tucked away behind buildings down an alley way yet still manages to be predominantly out doors works for Perths extended and unbearable summers. I felt my street cred enhance slightly just by being there.
The first thing that made my eye ball twitch a little was the music. It was commercial music from the 90's, I get it the 90's are back in a big way and I love 90's I grew up in them music but Brian Adams? Sinead Oconner? the list went on. The tunes triggered an epiphany... Its finally happened.. Indi music, underground noncommercial music has finally become so wide spread that that its now mainstream, no longer cool. In fact to maintain ones hipster, 2 steps ahead 'different from the norm' status one must now be mainstream... But not today mainstream, the 90's mainstream as the 90's are todays trend so the hipsters haven't completely abandoned fashion. A simple formula, I should have seen it coming.
I can the deal with 90's commercial music, the bar staff were however another story.
Todays in look for the hipster male is channeling a strong Ned Kelly inspiration, the fashion beard has been rocked for quite some time and doesn't look like its going anywhere.
The fashion beard, i case any of you haven't stepped foot in Fremantle for the last 2 years is a fully grown almost biker style beard, its unshaped entirely (goes without saying as rule number 1 to being a hipster is that you must look like you don't give a fuck about your 1 most important asset, your look)
Bar staff number 1, a middle eastern looking guy with the best fashion beard there... He was hipster royalty, the other mere mortal bar staff looked at him as though the probability that he was about to lay 3 fresh dragon eggs was high. I felt drawn in by him, his dance moves were captivating. I was however served by bar staff number 2..Who must have seen a hint of disappointment on my face as before asking me what Im drinking he found a way to slip in that he had only just cut off his beard and that it used to be just as "good" as that guys. Slightly confused, I asked him for 6 Jagamiester shots (as I said, we don't go out much) His reply of "sorry we don't serve shit alcohol, only good alcohol" pissed me off a little, back when I was doing the hipster Bar attendant thing in Melbourne all those years ago Jaga wasn't that bad, its not like I asked for a cock sucking cowboy or anything, cock sucker. So when I replied with "Well one might find the shit music misleading then?" Bar guy 2 needed back up... "She said we have shit music!" He almost yelled the words. I wasn't bothered by the Hipster glares, I wasn't there to make friends, I was there to get drunk.
The clientele was my last gripe and then I promise I will shut the fuck up. As waiting for a drink I was approached, off guard a hipster who leaned across in an almost whisper, extremely laid back tone that totally lacked charisma the words "Billie Violet Arlo Love" Obviously someone can read as I have my two childrens names tattoo'd on my arm Billie-Violet and Arlo Love. I turned and was instantly confronted by the mother of all hipsters, this guy is so hip that he's literally become a looser again. We are talking the under cut head shave with the pony on top, reading glass's (clear lensed Im sure) and some weird fucking straight jacked that tied up at the back. His follow up line was, "Who are the?"
I replied politely, "My children" He looked disgusted, "You have four children?" This guys clever!! "Nope I have two" then little hipster was still unimpressed, "How old are you?" He asked, "29" I replied, wait for it, I loved this part... He shook his pointy head and said "wow honey, thats no good, your young, you should be out having fun" Shocked by this guys stupidity I looked around, saw a drink in my hand, some of my best friends drunken dancing next to me and said "Um..... I thought that was what Im doing?" Hipster showed his true colours and came back with "Yeah but babe..... where are your children right now?" Visibly insulted I was left speechless by this 20 year old cock head thankfully the bestie was behind me following the conversation and she piped in with "Oh their at home.. using heroine"
The details of our departure of the Mechanics Institute are not relevant, yes they may have included a smashed glass, a shoulder ride a skateboard and an escorted exit that reminded me of a scene out of a tragic sitcom called 'Mums Gone Wild' the words of my dear departed nanna rang loudly, "Ive been kicked out of better places for worse behaviour"
So back on the streets of Northbridge, this time well and truly smashed I looked up at another pub on the total other end of the spectrum, The Brass Monkey 2 or 3 levels of drunk cashed up bogans and as I watched the Fly in Fly out workers making no effort to contain the excitement of ones week off, spilling on top of each other and off the balcony. I was left sort of appreciating the hipsters, for even if they do believe that working in a bar with a line out the front completely counter acts the fact that they only earn $23 an hour working Sunday mornings until 2 am, and the fact that they have a fuck off beard teamed with stone wash jeans and a vest not only excuses the fact that they still wash glass's for a living at the age of 27 but also makes them better then anybody that doesn't live inside that bubble called The Mechanics Institute. 2.5 stars.
